This Old House

It’s been a while since I had a memorable dream, and I mean that literally. Most of the time, I only have a foggy recollection of what goes on in my head during the night. Wednesday morning was an exception.

As soon as I woke up, I started typing on my iPhone in a desperate attempt to record every bit of nocturnal weirdness before it faded away. What follows is a slightly edited version of what I wrote.

There’s a big remodel/construction project going on at my parents’ new house. Mom and dad are still living in the old one. My sister Sarah is here and Oksana (an attractive girl from work) is in the kitchen. Apparently, she forgot to put some kind of food in the oven and asks me if I did. I say I didn’t, and she pretends it’s my fault. Sarah walks down the hallway, enters the kitchen, and gets one of those weird expressions on her face. She tells Oksana that I’m already married (which I’m not), just to make me mad. Oksana has no response.

Outside, I supervise the deck-building project and the weather is awful. One of the captains from Deadliest Catch (a Discovery channel show about Alaskan crab fishers) is working on the deck with his crew. I do my best to help, but just end up getting in the way. I’m not sure why, but they have Geiger meters testing for radioactivity while it snows.

At another point, I crawl through a narrow passageway inside the new house where my mom and grandpa are sheet-rocking the hallway and bedrooms. It’s really claustrophobic as the sheet-rock is about a foot thick—one of the bedrooms is really tiny due to the loss of space. I hope it’s not mine.

Later, Mike from work asks to borrow a can of paint for his parents. Apparently, they want to paint their cabinets the same color as ours (in the old house), but when he and I go to my old house, the cabinets are painted a poop green and brown with neon caulking at the seams. My parents seem to think it looks great. I apologize for the horrible colors and we leave with the paint; we try leaving through the basement but encounter a rattlesnake barring the exit.

I grab two wooden dowels each about a foot long, and whack it when it springs at me. Mike escapes and I keep fighting. After I hit it enough times, it turns out to be a little iguana/lizard/newt thing that hisses at me, but I just step on it and its guts pop out. Weirdly enough, its guts are made from salsa.

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Discussion about this post

  1. Andun says:

    Wow. Your mind must’ve been undergoing some serious detoxification.

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