Double Double, Toil and Trouble

The Double Double is not for the faint of heart. Three times before I’ve dug into this unassuming burger with ravenous hunger, and three times before I’ve found myself gasping for breath. Don’t be fooled by its tiny buns and sloppy presentation! The Lion’s Rock Broiler makes a mean hamburger, and the Double Double is a downright ruthless, messy combination of beefy artery-cloggin’ goodness.

But first, a little backstory. Tonight’s my second night back in Ellensburg, but it’s the first night of this new year that I’ve looked to the campus consortium for sustenance. Yesterday afternoon, I stopped off at Fred Meyer to spend the gift card my sister and brother-in-law gave me for Christmas. I had two items on my imaginary shopping list but wound up buying eight.

candy

What the top of the food pyramid looks like.

Here’s what I bought: 40-gallon garbage bag liners (last fall, I bought liners that were too small, and now I’ve got liners that are too big), two sticks of Gillette Clear Gel deodorant (Cool Wave scent), a new toothbrush (Fred Meyer’s own Kroger brand), Oh Boy! Oberto hickory-style beef jerky (my Kryptonite), and four different kinds of candy (Reese’s Dark Peanut Butter Cups, Chewy Spree, Gobstoppers, and a box of Nerds).

I still have five packages of Maruchan Ramen (synonymous with Top Ramen) left from last quarter, as well a 30-count box of Swiss Miss hot chocolate packets (I’m down to about ten), and even some Stash-brand Earl Grey teabags (Tazo is the best brand of Earl Grey, but it’s expensive). And for Christmas, my dad bought me a 52-count box of packaged Rice Krispies Treats!

Anyway, all this to say that I didn’t need dinner my first night back. And because I miraculously exercised self-control with the beef jerky, I still had some left over for breakfast today (which I ate while trying to configure the fickle Internet connection on campus).

By tonight, however, I was starving. I still have the unopened box of Nerds in my backpack (for special occasions), but for dinner I wanted something more substantial. Something beefy, like the beef jerky I had for breakfast, but with a broader flavor palette. Of course, I already knew what I wanted.

I’d wanted it since I left in December. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. When I went to Carl’s Jr. last week (albeit for breakfast), I was hoping to satisfy my carnivorous tooth. The steak and egg burrito was great, but it didn’t cut it. Nothing else could. I needed a Double Double from the Lion’s Rock Broiler!

So tonight, I got one. It was incredible. I said earlier that I’ve had it thrice. Tonight was the fourth. It only seems to get better! I enjoyed it so much I considered skipping the photos and the review and just mowing into the burger with my entire face!

burgerEach time before when I’ve had the Double Double burger, I’ve used a lot of napkins. I grabbed a few tonight anticipating the taste-bud tingling mess that always spills out from under the bun and gets on my fingers (most of which is mustard), but to my surprise, I only needed one napkin this time. Why, you ask? Was the Double Double any less flavorful this time? Did it fail to explode with awesomeness? No, my friends, it did not fail. It was so incredible I didn’t pause long enough to make a mess. Thrice before, I ate the Double Double while trying to carry on a conversation. This time, I was alone.

Well, I wasn’t really alone. I was alone with two all-beef charbroiled patties, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, red onions, pickles, ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise… on a sesame-seed bun sans sesame seeds. No, I was not alone, and neither were my taste buds.

Unfortunately, I ate it too fast. I had to stop, catch my breath, and gulp down some water. I felt a pang in my chest as the half-chewed mass of beefy goodness clung to the back of my throat for dear life, my lungs desperate for fresh air. It hurt, it really did. But it was worth it. Even now, as I belch a belch with lingering remnants of charcoal, I’ve got a smile on my face.

onionrings

Not even ketchup could save ’em.

You can see from the photos I also ordered a side of onion rings. I’ve had the onion rings before, but they’re not that great. I primarily enjoy eating them for the crunch. The deep-fried aftertaste leaves something to be desired. It’s almost too… paste-like? I’m not sure how to describe it. Ketchup usually goes great with onion rings, but these rings are better (but not great) without it.

All in all, it was great. I was so excited to eat the Double Double that my arm was trembling when I took the post-first-bite picture. If you’re ever on campus, let me know. I’ll treat you to a Double Double (or whatever you want). Even after switching my meal plan today from medium to small, I still doubt I’ll be able to spend all the money on it. But don’t think I won’t try.

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3 Discussion to this post

  1. JosiahS says:

    Wow. Things are now in motion that cannot be undone.
    I definitely need to visit.

  2. […] About Double Double, Toil and Trouble […]

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